


My Story Started Here

by Skyepilot



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, But not out of Skye, Coulson wants out of SHIELD, F/M, Family, Friendship, Love, Melinda May-background, SHIELD, Skye wants to be SHIELD, Skye was right about SHIELD, Slow burn style, Tahiti, Trust, UST, no sex in this story, that happens a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 01:50:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2006448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyepilot/pseuds/Skyepilot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skoulson between the scenes thoughts for Episode 12 Seeds.  A missing scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Story Started Here

He said yes, but, he didn't believe her.

Not really.

It was an attempt to distract him. And she was using Skye to do it.

She even admitted it.

Sure, Skye had proven herself to the team. Without a doubt.

And then there was him. 

They were sitting in Lola in Mexico City. And, he was going to do this for Skye. Because they certainly had this in common.

Coulson had told May he believed her because that's what she needed to hear.

What he had hoped, with that first nagging little thought, was that SHIELD actually had a good reason for keeping his file from him. After all, he himself believed, at times, that some things were secrets for a reason.

But this was too far.

SHIELD was lying to him. Fury was hiding things from him. Important things.

Skye had been right all along about SHIELD. The only question was, how far this went, and how far his anger was going to propel him to get to what he wanted.

The entire morning had been spent staring at his file and wondering just how many of his own memories were real. Questioning everything, but like an outsider, for the first time.

Skye was right.

And, she was an 084. He'd known she was an 084, but she was REALLY an 084.

Powers? She had powers?

And there was such a long line of bodies. 

He wasn't sure how much he could tell her, what that would do to her. She wasn't like him, she wasn't used to body counts and having your fucking memories erased or being brought back from the dead like something out of a horror film.

He swallowed. She deserved to know, but hearing that agent talk about what she had been through, how SHIELD had put her in and out of foster homes in order to protect her? 

Her entire life had been orchestrated by SHIELD. She blamed herself for being in and out of foster homes, he knew that, just by watching her. Her entire childhood, and SHIELD had done that. TO her. 

Maybe it had saved her life. He wanted to believe that.

That would make it worth it.

What he wanted was to tell her the truth, and give her a chance to walk away from it. 

Just let her walk away.

Even from him. Because, who knew what he was? And he was going to keep digging.

She could get out, though. 

Before it was too late.

****

Skye had been thinking about Coulson most of the day.

Holed up in his office, and May and Coulson were obviously up to something private and leaving the team out of it.

*Okay*, leaving HER out of it. She hated secrets. She hated not knowing. 

Skye was #1 at hating not knowing, because her entire life had been a big fat not knowing.

So, instead of waiting for the people with all the responsibility and authority to pony up with answers, she'd had to go and get them for herself.

And Coulson was the first person that had helped her get real answers. 

Ever, really. Like, she was a part of something instead of on her own.

Now she wondered what he was hiding. From them, or because of them? 

She knew he was one to do things like that. And there was the definite feeling that he was holding back. Kind of amusing considering he'd let her have it for keeping her own secret. Baby steps with Coulson. Baby steps.

After all, she wasn't stupid. She knew when she had asked him after they rescued him from CENTIPEDE, that he was lying to her. He was just telling her what he thought she needed to hear. 

And after all, he wasn't ready to talk about it. Not. Just. Yet.

There was something about him that had seemed so vulnerable. An openness in his smile, in his eyes, but still trapped behind something else. Something that he wouldn't quite let go of.

Him saying "Let me die" had become an instant replay moment for her. She had to make the effort to turn it off. Otherwise, it would just be there on repeat. And what it felt like was this: the only person who has ever come through for you?

Skye, you will lose him.

It wasn't just some silly attachment and hopeful wishing. He felt like being struck by lightning, and that might never happen again.

Time to put her on Level 8 big girl SHIELD issue undies and get some info out of this bartender.

Something useful. 

She wanted the right to be here.

In SHIELD.

****

The Bus arrived at the rendezvous point, and as the rest of the team piled in, Skye turned and asked him where they'd been?

He shut that down, immediately. Like she had the right to know?

Did she?

****

Robot Coulson won't make eye contact.

Something is definitely wrong. Not to toot her own horn, but, when they're on an op, and things are getting hot and heavy, like this?

Fitzsimmons better look out, because they are practically reading each other's minds, which is way cooler than finishing each other's sentences.

****

She corners him.

Skye is persistent, if nothing else and when she hones in on something...

He realizes. It's the exploit thing. 

He created an opening by avoiding eye contact.

She's clever, and it's cute. And he wishes he meant that in a fun way. Maybe even a sexy way. 

The realization that he looks at her way too much.

Kind of embarrassing. But...yeah. Absolutely true.

He needs her. Relies on her in situations like these. Almost to a fault.

He just can't stop thinking about her, even in the middle of all of this.

About what he wants to tell her versus what she needs to hear.

****

She's kind of surprised how this turned from her not doing anything wrong, which is an absolute relief, to his rant about SHIELD hiding things and did he just equivocate SHIELD and Ian Quinn?!

What is going on with him?

He went to Mexico with May. To learn more about her?

Somehow, that softens it, but then he makes it very clear that he's about to tell her something really horrible.

She nods, holding back tears.

All those people died, to save her. So many. A lot of them SHIELD.

Like that wall at the Academy. Like Bucky Barnes. Like the walls everywhere in SHIELD.

Her whole life. It was all hidden from her on purpose.

When she had joined this team, all she had wanted were answers.

But she didn't expect to find this.

That she was a part of something. Never realizing it.

She felt his light touch, his finger brush away a tear.

But, he was already pulling away. Too much touching.

Her feelings were too much.

She was too much.

Just like she had always been.

****

He went and grabbed her out of her bunk. 

She'd been crying her eyes out. 

And it was his fault. He'd told her everything and right now he wondered if it would all fall apart now.

Maybe she would leave. But, he didn't want her to. He'd never wanted that. Why did he DO that?

Right now, he had to get them to the hangar, get them in the belts to ride the storm out through the eye.

"We need to go," he ordered. "Now."

Skye looked up at him, glassy eyed. 

She was in shock.

He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her along with him to the hangar.

Fitzsimmons watched them, not really understanding, as he belted her in and she stared at the wall.

Looking over at her, thinking about how he'd left her alone to process all of it, he just wanted...

Reaching down, he grabbed her hand and held it. Squeezed.

****

"My story started here," she said, looking up at him, nodding.

He'd asked her if this meant she had found what she was looking for. He'd apologized at least three times, too.

Okay, his timing was, well, that was another discussion, that was maybe not about her at all.

And, she HAD pushed.

This was him asking if she was leaving, now that she knew what she'd come here for. If she was going to walk away.

Did he really think she was going to give up that easily?

They were standing in the Academy hall in front of the Wall. Agent Avery's wall.

"I thought that there was something wrong with me, that the nuns," she said, blinking back tears, pausing. "The foster parents that I wanted so much to love me, too,"

He had a guilty look on his face, and was watching her, listening. Probably feeling more than he was letting on if his eyes and tense posture were any indication.

She was practically comatose on the Bus earlier, but, she'd felt his hand when they were riding out the storm. It was an apology or trying to make her feel rooted or something. It was a something.

"I do have a family," she said, taking a deep breath. "Someone who has watched over me, which, really is kind of cosmically hilarious, because the very thing I'm against? This is it. Totally." She felt a solo tear dust her face and wiped it away before he could touch it.

He reached out for her hand.

She took it, gazing over at him, wondering. 

He let himself look at her the way he had started to after she had rescued him from that ghost town, that ghost life.

He smiled.

"I know," he said.


End file.
